Women Want Men To Sit When Peeing!
March 22, 2007
German men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.
About 1.8 million toilets are already haunted by Spuk, or Spook, as the little $10 device is called. Attached to the underside of the toilet seat, Spuk quietly endures sitting visitors. But anyone trying to lift the seat and attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln“) should be prepared for the ghost’s unrelenting wrath.
“Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down,” one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.
“Excuse me, but there’s a penalty for peeing while standing in this house,” it warns culprits. “You’d better not risk any problems and sit down!”
Other versions start roaring like a lion or try to persuade stubborn customers with the soothing voice of a female flight attendant.
“We welcome you aboard Never Come Back Airlines,” the voice says. “We’d like to ask our male passengers in particular to sit down, buckle up and refrain from smoking.”
Patentwert, the manufacturers of Spuk, say they are ready to direct their gadgets at the British market.
Their prototype English-speaking “WC ghost”: (WC = Water Closet which = toilet), says in an American drawl:
“Don’t you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who’s behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha.”
They also plan to copy the voices of Tony Blair and the Queen.
But Klaus Schwerma, author of Standing Urinators: The Last Bastion of Masculinity? doubts whether it will ever be possible to convert all men.
“Many insist on standing, even though it leads to marital strife,” he said.
After conquering the German market, Spuk has already taken over toilets in Scandinavia, the Netherlands and Canada.
Next on the list is a tougher challenge: According to officials for the company that makes the device, Spuk will soon try to convert Italian men as well.
And to my American brothers who live in fear with their demanding American wives; I will be making random visits to various homes throughout the USA, and if I catch you sitting down urinating, you’re in for some big trouble!
In German, the phrase for someone who sits and urinates, is a “Sitzpinkler“, that is equivalent to “wimp“. Brothers, DO NOT succumb to this huge injustice to our masculinity!
We’ve lost 1.8 million Germans to “Spuk” and now I am hearing through the grapevine that Swedish women now demand that their men use the toilet in a strictly sedentary posture.
Here’s Jasper Gerard from the Spectator on how Swedish feminists are plotting the final humiliation of the male s*x organ
MEN for whom s****l awareness came via Scandinavian exercise videos might assume that life for the Swedish male is a satisfying, if tiring, routine: an endless grind of saunas, vodka on the state and, more exhausting still, beautiful women who share the male’s free-spirited approach to s*x, But if you imagine that the Swedish Man prowls Stockholm like a lion on Viagra, think again. He has been emasculated like no other on the planet.
Young Swedish women now demand that their men use the lavatory in a strictly sedentary posture – partly, I am told, for reasons of hygiene, but, more crucially, because a man standing up to urinate is deemed to be triumphing in his masculinity and, by extension, degrading women. I am not taking the pissoir, dear and trusting reader; this is for real. To micturate from the standing position is now viewed among the more progressive Swedes – as the height of vulgarity and possibly suggestive of violence.
‘All my friends demand that their husbands or boyfriends sit down,’ says Jessica, from Uppsala. ‘I think it shows respect for the women who clean,’ adds the 31-year-old biologist. ‘My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia there is also a view that to stand is a nasty macho gesture.’ Her English husband has refused to be cowed, she admits, because ‘it infringes his manly rights’. Reward for his heroic stand? Full-time cleaning duties.
Yola, a 25-year-old trainee psychiatrist, is yet more strident. She dumped a boyfriend, in part, for refusing to comply. His replacement is better trained. ‘What can I do?’ implores Ingvar, the new boyfriend, and one can see his dilemma: Yola is painfully pretty. As she says, ‘They either want me and they do what I say, or they can go.’
‘The way they go to the toilet is just another example of why men are so bad. They watch football, they have not good manners. Women have had enough.’
Perhaps those in Britain could afford to ignore all this, were Sweden not the testing-ground – as California is in America – for the mores likely to sweep the rest of Europe. Already, a feminist group at Stockholm University is campaigning to scrap the urinals on the grounds that their construction – allowing male-only use is intrinsically sexist. According to Yola, they are encountering none of the laddish opposition they would meet here. At least one Swedish primary school has already ditched the wall-fixed porcelain to acculturate young male Swedes to the new order. Others are expected to follow.
The Swedish squat is now spreading to metropolitan Germany, where the germ– phobic population might be expected to be sympathetic. The British ambassador was even moved to knock down the urinals at his residence, though perhaps that is no more than we can expect from Sir Paul Lever, a man so deracinated that he takes time out to bash British newspapers, before German audiences, for their coverage of Europe.
But Sweden is still the epicenter of the custom and it is about the Swedes that we must now attempt – in a daze – to draw conclusions. First, this intelligence transforms the loin-cloth Leviathan that is the Swedish male into a worm with as much potency under the bonnet as Pope Joan. More importantly, it shows how political correctness can be totally wrong.
In most cases, the reactionary will huff about the absurdity of ‘these progressive ideas’, but his more rational side will often accept that PC is a disguised form of politeness. But this men-to-p*e-like– women project is beyond parody. What is the rationale?
It has long been one of the more imaginative examples of feminist paranoia that men engage in unacceptable, anti-women practices while standing at the urinal. According to this conspiracy theory, men repair to the lavatory to plot in exclusive circumstances. Feminists imagine full-scale board meetings with takeover plans mapped out on the Andrex.
As all men know, the reverse is true. One stands in shuffling silence staring with mock interest at the wall in front. Under no circumstances does one divert a glance by a single degree (unless one is a follower of Tom Driberg). Far from being a venue to display one’s masculinity, one feels embarrassed even to be there. Conversational gambits are as welcome as when a vicar asks if anyone present objects to the marriage (which is why Time magazine was wasting its resources when it detailed a reporter to spend an entire evening in the gents’ at this year’s Oscars).
As for affording opportunities to advance one’s career, do me a favor. On my first day at the Daily Telegraph I found myself being joined by the magnificent presence of Mr Max Hastings, then editor. So nervous did he make me feel, that I quite failed to perform the function for which I had entered the premises. As the seconds ticked by and nothing happened, the more humiliated I felt. And the more Mr Hastings coughed. He never did promote me.
No, the answer is more subtle, according to Jessica’s husband, the non-squatting Englishman. It is not so much a function of female suspicion, as of women’s desire for absolute equality. Voting, clubbing, fighting, learning and indeed yearning were all pastimes once denied women. So to achieve absolute equality, the Swedish sisters have stripped men of their remaining dignity and plonked them on the potty. Young Swedish men comply, he says, ‘out of a sense of justice’. In other words, they don’t feel it is right that they should have the sole advantage of a fire-and-forget physique.
But, if the method of urination has been deemed sexist, what about s*x itself, which also involves exclusively male and female roles? A recent survey suggested, interestingly, that the Swedes have fallen out of love with making love.
This is supported by the experience of a friend, who got his clammy hand on a Swedish squeeze in a New York nightclub. She flirted and pouted, and hinted at a weekend of more delightful degradation than he enjoyed in a year back home. He duly arrived in Stockholm to be escorted to a hotel where she had booked him a room. She announced that she was rather tied up but that it would be most pleasant if they were to meet for Sunday lunch. He had the gloomiest weekend of his life, staring out of the window at the babes down below, watching pornography and attacking the vodka in the mini-bar.
No wonder the Abba men looked so wet. But before the British male stands proudly before his priapic abundance whistling the sweet song of liberty, I have ominous news: London now boasts its first urinal for women.
Jasper Gerard is special writer on the Times.
Copyright Spectator Apr 22, 2000 Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved
Stand & Deliver my American Brothers!