Women Want Men To Sit When Peeing!

March 22, 2007

Spuk WC GhostGerman men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.

About 1.8 million toilets are already haunted by Spuk, or Spook, as the little $10 device is called. Attached to the underside of the toilet seat, Spuk quietly endures sitting visitors. But anyone trying to lift the seat and attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln“) should be prepared for the ghost’s unrelenting wrath.

“Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down,” one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.

“Excuse me, but there’s a penalty for peeing while standing in this house,” it warns culprits. “You’d better not risk any problems and sit down!”

Other versions start roaring like a lion or try to persuade stubborn customers with the soothing voice of a female flight attendant.

“We welcome you aboard Never Come Back Airlines,” the voice says. “We’d like to ask our male passengers in particular to sit down, buckle up and refrain from smoking.”

Spuk on the lidPatentwert, the manufacturers of Spuk, say they are ready to direct their gadgets at the British market.

Their prototype English-speaking “WC ghost”: (WC = Water Closet which = toilet), says in an American drawl:

“Don’t you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who’s behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha.”

They also plan to copy the voices of Tony Blair and the Queen.

But Klaus Schwerma, author of Standing Urinators: The Last Bastion of Masculinity? doubts whether it will ever be possible to convert all men.

“Many insist on standing, even though it leads to marital strife,” he said.

After conquering the German market, Spuk has already taken over toilets in Scandinavia, the Netherlands and Canada.

Next on the list is a tougher challenge: According to officials for the company that makes the device, Spuk will soon try to convert Italian men as well.

And to my American brothers who live in fear with their demanding American wives; I will be making random visits to various homes throughout the USA, and if I catch you sitting down urinating, you’re in for some big trouble!

In German, the phrase for someone who sits and urinates, is a “Sitzpinkler“, that is equivalent to “wimp“. Brothers, DO NOT succumb to this huge injustice to our masculinity!

We’ve lost 1.8 million Germans to “Spuk” and now I am hearing through the grapevine that Swedish women now demand that their men use the toilet in a strictly sedentary posture.

Here’s Jasper Gerard from the Spectator on how Swedish feminists are plotting the final humiliation of the male s*x organ

MEN for whom s****l awareness came via Scandinavian exercise videos might assume that life for the Swedish male is a satisfying, if tiring, routine: an endless grind of saunas, vodka on the state and, more exhausting still, beautiful women who share the male’s free-spirited approach to s*x, But if you imagine that the Swedish Man prowls Stockholm like a lion on Viagra, think again. He has been emasculated like no other on the planet.

Young Swedish women now demand that their men use the lavatory in a strictly sedentary posture – partly, I am told, for reasons of hygiene, but, more crucially, because a man standing up to urinate is deemed to be triumphing in his masculinity and, by extension, degrading women. I am not taking the pissoir, dear and trusting reader; this is for real. To micturate from the standing position is now viewed among the more progressive Swedes – as the height of vulgarity and possibly suggestive of violence.

‘All my friends demand that their husbands or boyfriends sit down,’ says Jessica, from Uppsala. ‘I think it shows respect for the women who clean,’ adds the 31-year-old biologist. ‘My brother, for example, would not dream of standing up. Among the young, leftish intelligentsia there is also a view that to stand is a nasty macho gesture.’ Her English husband has refused to be cowed, she admits, because ‘it infringes his manly rights’. Reward for his heroic stand? Full-time cleaning duties.

Yola, a 25-year-old trainee psychiatrist, is yet more strident. She dumped a boyfriend, in part, for refusing to comply. His replacement is better trained. ‘What can I do?’ implores Ingvar, the new boyfriend, and one can see his dilemma: Yola is painfully pretty. As she says, ‘They either want me and they do what I say, or they can go.’

‘The way they go to the toilet is just another example of why men are so bad. They watch football, they have not good manners. Women have had enough.’

Perhaps those in Britain could afford to ignore all this, were Sweden not the testing-ground – as California is in America – for the mores likely to sweep the rest of Europe. Already, a feminist group at Stockholm University is campaigning to scrap the urinals on the grounds that their construction – allowing male-only use is intrinsically sexist. According to Yola, they are encountering none of the laddish opposition they would meet here. At least one Swedish primary school has already ditched the wall-fixed porcelain to acculturate young male Swedes to the new order. Others are expected to follow.

The Swedish squat is now spreading to metropolitan Germany, where the germ– phobic population might be expected to be sympathetic. The British ambassador was even moved to knock down the urinals at his residence, though perhaps that is no more than we can expect from Sir Paul Lever, a man so deracinated that he takes time out to bash British newspapers, before German audiences, for their coverage of Europe.

But Sweden is still the epicenter of the custom and it is about the Swedes that we must now attempt – in a daze – to draw conclusions. First, this intelligence transforms the loin-cloth Leviathan that is the Swedish male into a worm with as much potency under the bonnet as Pope Joan. More importantly, it shows how political correctness can be totally wrong.

In most cases, the reactionary will huff about the absurdity of ‘these progressive ideas’, but his more rational side will often accept that PC is a disguised form of politeness. But this men-to-p*e-like– women project is beyond parody. What is the rationale?

It has long been one of the more imaginative examples of feminist paranoia that men engage in unacceptable, anti-women practices while standing at the urinal. According to this conspiracy theory, men repair to the lavatory to plot in exclusive circumstances. Feminists imagine full-scale board meetings with takeover plans mapped out on the Andrex.

As all men know, the reverse is true. One stands in shuffling silence staring with mock interest at the wall in front. Under no circumstances does one divert a glance by a single degree (unless one is a follower of Tom Driberg). Far from being a venue to display one’s masculinity, one feels embarrassed even to be there. Conversational gambits are as welcome as when a vicar asks if anyone present objects to the marriage (which is why Time magazine was wasting its resources when it detailed a reporter to spend an entire evening in the gents’ at this year’s Oscars).

As for affording opportunities to advance one’s career, do me a favor. On my first day at the Daily Telegraph I found myself being joined by the magnificent presence of Mr Max Hastings, then editor. So nervous did he make me feel, that I quite failed to perform the function for which I had entered the premises. As the seconds ticked by and nothing happened, the more humiliated I felt. And the more Mr Hastings coughed. He never did promote me.

No, the answer is more subtle, according to Jessica’s husband, the non-squatting Englishman. It is not so much a function of female suspicion, as of women’s desire for absolute equality. Voting, clubbing, fighting, learning and indeed yearning were all pastimes once denied women. So to achieve absolute equality, the Swedish sisters have stripped men of their remaining dignity and plonked them on the potty. Young Swedish men comply, he says, ‘out of a sense of justice’. In other words, they don’t feel it is right that they should have the sole advantage of a fire-and-forget physique.

But, if the method of urination has been deemed sexist, what about s*x itself, which also involves exclusively male and female roles? A recent survey suggested, interestingly, that the Swedes have fallen out of love with making love.

This is supported by the experience of a friend, who got his clammy hand on a Swedish squeeze in a New York nightclub. She flirted and pouted, and hinted at a weekend of more delightful degradation than he enjoyed in a year back home. He duly arrived in Stockholm to be escorted to a hotel where she had booked him a room. She announced that she was rather tied up but that it would be most pleasant if they were to meet for Sunday lunch. He had the gloomiest weekend of his life, staring out of the window at the babes down below, watching pornography and attacking the vodka in the mini-bar.

No wonder the Abba men looked so wet. But before the British male stands proudly before his priapic abundance whistling the sweet song of liberty, I have ominous news: London now boasts its first urinal for women.

Jasper Gerard is special writer on the Times.

Copyright Spectator Apr 22, 2000 Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning Company. All rights Reserved

Stand & Deliver my American Brothers!


, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Also Worth Reading:


18 Responses to “Women Want Men To Sit When Peeing!”

  1. Curiepoint on March 22nd, 2007 12:26 pm

    As I stated on another forum, this is what bull prisoners do as part of the process of punking out another inmate; rendering them into as feminine a state as possible.

  2. Mike Hunter on March 22nd, 2007 1:50 pm

    LOL “stand and deliver” classic. There is of course a simple solution to all of this. If a private venue that you go to installs one of these then just p*e all over the seat or better yet the floor and never return again. Also if your wife/girlfriend demands that you sit down while you p*e and you comply instead of putting her in her place (or dropping her on the spot) then you’re too far gone for anyone to give you any meaningful advice.

  3. Pete on March 22nd, 2007 3:27 pm

    If I had to deal with one of these Spuks, I’d probably end up ripping the thing out of the toilet seat and smashing it with a hammer.

  4. Ze german on March 23rd, 2007 12:19 am

    “Already, a feminist group at Stockholm University is campaigning to scrap the urinals on the grounds that their construction – allowing male-only use is intrinsically sexist.”

    I demand that tampons should not be produced, as they are intrinsically sexist!

    Sheesh… All women do is try to put men down…

    Teach women they have no right to marry up anymore, that they need to face rejection in the flirting area, that they should go and die in the wars, and that they cannot expect chivalry anymore.

    If my girlfriend would buy that device, I would p*e without the toilet seat up.

    So simple.

  5. John Taylor on March 23rd, 2007 10:24 am

    Anyone here ever clean a women’s public restroom?

    If you have you know that most womens restrooms are by far more disgusting. It seems to me that (to many women) if she does not have to clean it then she feels the need to totally deface it.

    I have seen things in the women’s restroom that totally defy logic and common decency. (as a janitor of course).

  6. taype on March 24th, 2007 2:40 pm

    The guys who submit themselves to living in such a feminized fashion are most of the problem here. It’s so ironic that these individuals would likely be the first ones to get irate if WOMEN were being told to urinate in a particular (and unnatural) way, but they, acting as the ridiculously emasculated wimps that they are, just accept this rubbish.

    “To micturate from the standing position is now viewed among the more progressive Swedes – as the height of vulgarity and possibly suggestive of violence.”

    I’m not aware of the prevalence of this belief, but if this is the case, where would this logic end? Ejacul*tion a potential sign of domestic violence? Scratching your privates indicative of your inherently aggressive attitude?

    How can anyone honestly believe that standing up to urinate is degrading to women?

    Here’s an idea – create or modify some of those Spuks to say something witty and encouraging when the toilet seat is lifted. Or better yet, just destroy them, I’m sure if enough are destroyed then it would simply become too tiresome and too expensive to continually replace them.

  7. Darrell on April 6th, 2007 12:10 pm

    Go to any public event and you will see a long line of women waiting to p*e (and of course the attendant whining about how unfair it all is). Trying to get men to have to sit down to p*e means, inevitably, long lines of men waiting as well. It is a typically feminist trait to project their perceived misery on to the nearest man/men available; and with this initiative, I should think they are hoping to achieve just that. If we’ve got to be miserable waiting to p*e so should the men? It’s just another example of blinkered feminist equality.

  8. S E on April 11th, 2007 7:32 am

    How stupid and selfish can women be!? Just when I think I’ve heard the worst, some woman comes along and lowers the bar even further.

    How about making toilets with built in seats that can’t be raised? Or even easier go around and glue the seats down, but it would take a man to think of that and no self-respecting man would ever suggest such a thing.

    Obviously thought of by a woman, or a mangina controlled by a woman.

  9. JURO on April 13th, 2007 10:40 pm

    Screw it, I’ll just p**s outside in the bushes.

    Women won’t stop until until there are no men left. They absolutely hate men and nature, and prefer the artificial and lots of rules.

    We are becoming overcivilized. It will only benefit women and hurt men.

  10. Kamal S. on April 16th, 2007 10:07 pm

    I sit when I p*e.

    It is civilized and clean, damn it if I’m going to let p**s splash on my pants.

    The general thrust, however, is that we should not live our lives simply to please the aesthetics of a particular feme in our lives. This is lacking a backbone. No, we live our lives as men and have our codes and we choose our law and live it, instead of drifting like a chump.

    That said, gentlemen, it’s p**s. It splashes. That’s barbaric.

  11. v on April 28th, 2007 7:30 am

    For most of elderly men affected by enlarged prostates, it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to p**s in a sitting position.

  12. alalee on April 28th, 2007 12:13 pm

    Well, that’s the most stupidist thing I’ve ever heard. And I’m not even a man! Who cares if a man stands or sits? It should be a personal preference. Gimme a break!!! It’s only urine. It CAN be cleaned if it splashes outside the intended target.

    I for one don’t want to get rid of all the men. I happen to like them – A LOT – just the way they are.

    RE: Juro: Women won’t stop until until there are no men left. They absolutely hate men and nature, and prefer the artificial and lots of rules.

    Juro, nothing “artificial” in this house. It ain’t all of us. It was a few wenches who ruined it for the rest of us. No one asked ME what I thought about the situation, or I would have told them that THE WOMAN’S PLACE IS IN THE KITCHEN, BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT, PREPARING A MEAL FOR YOUR MAN AFTER A HARD DAY’S WORK.

  13. Johan on May 15th, 2007 2:19 am

    I’d just like to note that as an Swede I have never seen nor heard about this invention. I sure wouldn’t have it installed either.

  14. Nathan on July 7th, 2007 11:33 am

    This is so g*y. First of all sitting for me usually ends up with me spraying all over the floor so this hygiene thing is total b******t. Then shaming a man into sitting by lying about getting fined and legal trouble is fraud and illegal coercian. If it ever ends up in an American restroom ill toss the buggers in the damn trash.

  15. Michel Morin on July 22nd, 2007 1:18 pm

    Wow If I ever saw one of these devices… I would crush it with my boot.

  16. daz on August 12th, 2007 8:56 pm

    I like the idea of these devices. Often times when I lift up the seat, there isn’t anything to make it, oh I don’t know, more fun. BUT….a target to aim at, well that changes everything! Seeing that this device would be electrical, I don’t imagine it will react well to a stream of urine hitting it and of course if it doesn’t look damaged enough then you can always be a man about it: Throw it on the floor, crush it with your heel and then castigate yourself severely for allowing yourself to be lured into a home that would have one of these in it. Oh yeah, there’s also Plan B for witty men: if you see one of these, ignore the toilet and use the sink!

  17. diz on August 16th, 2007 4:40 pm

    This apparently was designed on behalf of women who don’t want to clean up after men. It’s ineffective and obviously offensive to men. I understand that. Whiz any way you want, your aim will help. Just take responsibility for cleaning up after yourself.

    Say you get the flu and have to blow chunks into the porcelain convenience. Do you wanna hang over a rim that is encrusted with yellowed bacteria? Oh, well you could barf with the seat down. Sure. it still splashes. Who cleans that up? Bottom line is this, take all the freedom of choice you want, but don’t expect a female to perform a responsibility that an adult male is perfectly capable of doing. If everyone takes responsibility for their own stuff, life would work better.

  18. Pat on January 19th, 2009 3:08 pm

    That’s ridiculous; male biology is not even made to faciliate that posture; why would women expect it?

    That’s as bad as men demanding that women stand for the same purpose. How ridiculous, and probably not true anyway.

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

You must be logged in to post a comment.