The Anti-Male Shaming Tactics Catalog

March 1, 2007

shaming tactics“Shaming tactics.” This phrase is familiar to many Men’s Rights Activists. It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic. Yet women are not the only ones guilty of using shaming tactics against men. Male gynocentrists use them, too. Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks.

Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men’s issues, romance, etc. The following list contains descriptions of shaming tactics, some examples of quotes employing the tactics, and even color-coded aliases for mnemonic purposes. Enjoy.

Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)

Discussion: The target is accused of having anger management issues. Whatever negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable. Examples:

  • “You’re bitter!”
  • “You need to get over your anger at women.”
  • “You are so negative!”

Response: Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice. It is important to remember that passive acceptance of evil is not a virtue….[emember_protected]

Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)

Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with women. Examples:

  • “You need to get over your fear.”
  • “Step up and take a chance like a man!”
  • “You’re afraid of a strong woman!”

Response: It is important to remember that there is a difference between bravery and stupidity. The only risks that reasonable people dare to take are calculated risks. One weighs the likely costs and benefits of said risks. As it is, some men are finding out that many women fail a cost-benefit analysis.

Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) – The Crybaby Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of men (i.e., he is accused of playing “Chicken Little”). Examples:

  • “Stop whining!”
  • “Get over it!”
  • “Suck it up like a man!”
  • “You guys don’t have it as nearly as bad as us women!”
  • “You’re just afraid of losing your male privileges.”
  • “Your fragile male ego …”
  • “Wow! You guys need to get a grip!”

Response: One who uses the Code Blue shaming tactic reveals a callous indifference to the humanity of men. It may be constructive to confront such an accuser and ask if a certain problem men face needs to be addressed or not (“yes” or “no”), however small it may be seem to be. If the accuser answers in the negative, it may constructive to ask why any man should care about the accuser’s welfare since the favor will obviously not be returned. If the accuser claims to be unable to do anything about the said problem, one can ask the accuser why an attack is necessary against those who are doing something about it.

Charge of Puerility (Code Green) – The Peter Pan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. Examples:

  • “Grow up!”
  • “You are so immature!”
  • “Do you live with your mother?”
  • “I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
  • “Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children.”

Response: It should be remembered that one’s s****l history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen s*x, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.

Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) – The Elevated Threat Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner. This charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target. Examples:

  • “You guys are scary.”
  • “You make me feel afraid.”

Response: It may be constructive to point out that only bigots and tyrants are afraid of having the truth expressed to them. One may also ask why some women think they can handle leadership roles if they are so threatened by a man’s legitimate freedom of expression.

Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) – The Sour Grapes Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems. Example:

  • “You are just bitter because you can’t g******d.”

Response: In this case, it must be asked if it really matters how one arrives at the truth. In other words, one may submit to the accuser, “What if the grapes really are sour?” At any rate, the Code Purple shaming tactic is an example of what is called “circumstantial ad hominem.”

Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) – The Brown Shirts Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint. Examples:

  • “You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”
  • “You’re an extremist”
  • “You sound like the KKK.”
  • “… more anti-feminist zaniness”

Response: One should remember that the truth is not decided by the number of people subscribing to it. Whether or not certain ideas are “out of the mainstream” is besides the point. A correct conclusion is also not necessarily reached by embracing some middle ground between two opposing viewpoints (i.e., the logical fallacy of “False Compromise”).

Charge of Invirility (Code Lavender)

Discussion: The target’s s****l orientation or masculinity is called into question. Examples:

  • “Are you g*y?”
  • “I need a real man, not a sissy.”
  • “You’re such a wimp.”

Response: Unless one is working for religious conservatives, it is usually of little consequence if a straight man leaves his accusers guessing about his s****l orientation.

Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)

Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting unwarranted stereotypes about women. Examples:

  • “I’m not like that!”
  • “Stop generalizing!”
  • “That’s a sexist stereotype!”

Response: One may point out that feminists and many other women make generalizations about men. Quotations from feminists, for example, can be easily obtained to prove this point. Also, one should note that pointing to a trend is not the same as overgeneralizing. Although not all women may have a certain characteristic, a significant amount of them might.

Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)

Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general. Examples:

  • “You misogynist creep!”
  • “Why do you hate women?”
  • “Do you love your mother?”
  • “You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
  • “You are mean-spirited.”
  • “You view women as doormats.”
  • “You want to roll back the rights of women!!”
  • “You are going to make me cry.”

Response: One may ask the accuser how does a pro-male agenda become inherently anti-female (especially since feminists often claim that gains for men and women are “not a zero-sum game”). One may also ask the accuser how do they account for women who agree with the target’s viewpoints. The Code Black shaming tactic often integrates the logical fallacies of “argumentum ad misericordiam” (viz., argumentation based on pity for women) and/or “argumentum in terrorem” (viz., arousing fear about what the target wants to do to women).

Charge of Instability (Code White) – The White Padded Room Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being emotionally or mentally unstable. Examples:

  • “You’re unstable.”
  • “You have issues.”
  • “You need therapy.”
  • “Weirdo!”

Response: In response to this attack, one may point to peer-reviewed literature and then ask the accuser if the target’s mental and/or emotional condition can explain the existence of valid research on the matter.

Charge of Selfishness (Code Silver)

Discussion: This attack is self-explanatory. It is a common charge hurled at men who do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits. Examples:

  • “You are so materialistic.”
  • “You are so greedy.”

Response: It may be beneficial to turn the accusation back on the one pressing the charge. For instance, one may retort, “So you are saying I shouldn’t spend my money on myself, but should instead spend it on a woman like you —and you accuse me of being selfish?? Just what were you planning to do for me anyway?”

Charge of Superficiality (Code Gold) – The All-That-Glitters Charge

Discussion: The charge of superficiality is usually hurled at men with regard to their mating preferences. Examples:

  • “If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
  • “How can you be so shallow and turn down a single mother?”

Response: Average-looking women can be just as problematic in their behavior as beautiful, “high-maintanence” women. Regarding the shallowness of women, popular media furnishes plenty of examples where petty demands are made of men by females (viz., those notorious laundry lists of things a man should/should not do for his girlfriend or wife).

Charge of Unattractiveness (Code Tan) – The Ugly Tan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of having no romantic potential as far as women are concerned. Examples:

  • “I bet you are fat and ugly.”
  • “You can’t g******d!”
  • “Creep!”
  • “Loser!”
  • “Have you thought about the problem being you?”

Response: This is another example of “circumstantial ad hominem.” The target’s romantic potential ultimately does not reflect on the merit of his arguments.

Charge of Defeatism (Code Maroon)

Discussion: This shaming tactic is akin to the Charge of Irascibility and the Charge of Cowardice in that the accuser attacks the target’s negative or guarded attitude about a situation. However, the focus is not so much on the target’s anger or fear, but on the target’s supposed attitude of resignation. Examples:

  • “Stop being so negative.”
  • “You are so cynical.”
  • “If you refuse to have relationships with women, then you are admitting defeat.”
  • “C’mon! Men are doers, not quitters.”

Response: The charge of defeatism can be diffused by explaining that one is merely being realistic about a situation. Also, one can point out that asking men to just accept their mistreatment at the hands of women and society is the real attitude that is defeatist. Many men have not lost their resolve; many have lost their patience.

Threat of Withheld Affection (Code Pink) – The Pink Whip

Discussion: The target is admonished that his viewpoints or behavior will cause women to reject him as a mate. Examples:

  • “No woman will marry you with that attitude.”
  • “Creeps like you will never g******d!”

Response: This is an example of the logical fallacy “argumentum ad baculum” (the “appeal to force”). The accuser attempts to negate the validity of a position by pointing to some undesirable circumstance that will befall anyone who takes said position. Really, the only way to deal with the “Pink Whip” is to realize that a man’s happiness and worth is not based on his romantic conquests (including marriage).

Source: Faith and Society Blog[/emember_protected]


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14 Responses to “The Anti-Male Shaming Tactics Catalog”

  1. Curiepoint on March 1st, 2007 1:02 pm

    In a word: Brilliant.

    Who hasn’t heard every single one of these charges levelled at them?
    While annoying, it’s nice to see that our enemy can be so predictable and easily analyzable.

  2. john on March 2nd, 2007 9:32 am

    touche’ (did i spell that right) ….. well anyway,……right on!!

  3. obbop on March 8th, 2007 6:50 am

    An example of brainwashed females.

    I teach at the high school level. I am good at what I do. I grab and keep the majority of my student’s attention… a very difficult feat in today’s entertainment-oriented society.

    I get their attention by being animated… I stand, move, point, lots of body language. I also use my voice to great effect. Quiet, loud, soft, tonal inflections.

    I use the above to various degrees, depending upon circumstances.

    Here’s an example. To get across the point that war is more than facts and figures I will describe how warriors confront each other on the battlefield, how emotions are present: rage, fear, etc. I want the kids to know that those were real, living people we are reading about.

    While telling of those warriors I will pretend I am holding a rifle and growl as I approach the “enemy.” Just trying to get a point across. Also, to clarify things, I do not “attack” the students while pantomining.

    In too many cases, after doing the above, a female student will raise her hand and declare that I have scared her.

    Huh??? Scared her? I gave up trying to fathom the logic behind that statement. I HAVE noticed that those females tend to either use the exact same or very similarly-stated statement. I believe those females are uttering rote-learned words.

    American females are, in my never humble opinion, being brainwashed by a society that desires emasculated males. Maybe I have a tinfoil hat upon my head but I fear that the “power brokers” of this country desire an emasculated male populace. Not much to fear from a citizenry whose males have been brought down to the feminine way of thinking and acting.

  4. Ever on March 10th, 2007 6:14 am

    Thanks for this website page. It is incredible, whenever I am between women talking, I hear one of these phrases. Next time, I will be ready to respond in a way that is required.

  5. Neo on March 19th, 2007 6:24 am

    obbop: “In too many cases, after doing the above, a female student will raise her hand and declare that I have scared her.”

    Calmly tell her:

    NOW you know what males feel like when they get sent to fight a war–against their will– while the females get to stay nice & warm at home.

  6. tygr on March 29th, 2007 6:33 pm

    In my experience, either women get it or they don’t. Either they are on your side or they’re not. No amount of evidence, attempts to convince them, logic or even pleas to empathy will sway them to your side. A feminist is a feminist, and if she were mentally sane, she would have objected to the basic premise to begin with. There is no way the 15 minute conversation you have is going to force her to change the very foundation of her life.

    Actually I think this goes for any conversation topic with women. Don’t forget that they are morally superior to us mere humans. Regardless of what they believe, they are always correct. So don’t debate them. Small talk is just about the only thing you can discuss with women. Keep it to the weather, musical bands or other mundane topics.

    If you play, you will lose. The only winning with AWs is not to play. The greatest thing is that your refusal to shower them with attention frustrates them much more than any slanderous accusations (non-legal) a woman can use against a man.

  7. Truthslayer on April 3rd, 2007 12:29 am

    I can personally attest to the power of the Shaming Tactics.

    On many a board I post on, once you use them against a woman, she then has to dig deeper and deeper to try to disarm you with a tactic you haven’t seen.

    Sadly for women, the list covers them all, so when they attack, they are easily disarmed.

    They then either concede by running away, claim that you are unreachable and stubborn, or just try a inane topic to lull your attention away from that spear of logic you just stuck them with.

    Best thing to remember…majority of women THINK they are unique, but surprisingly have the SAME mentality They each think THEIR insult is rare and a real zinger. Once you show how boring, predictable and weak their emotional attack is, you can just walk away.

    Let them have the last word…As Kenshiro says…you’re already defeated (yes I know what he actually says, but the filters won’t post it).


  8. Mufpounder on April 12th, 2007 7:49 am

    Thanks ! I have lived some of these tactics, and now just let her know that shame tactics no longer work, then tell her to just SHUP UP. Seems to work good for me : ) Now getting laid a lot more without all of the yack.

  9. JURO on April 13th, 2007 11:29 pm

    tygr said it best. You’ll just sound like them in the end.

    I can’t believe nobody has mentioned the best, and SAFEST response to all the shaming tactics: laughing.

    A deep, loud, long, belly-filling laugh is the one response that will disarm the aggressor. They will be mystified and befuddled, but miffed that you obviously don’t take the b***h seriously. It’s also office-safe, so the boss won’t write you up on it.

    Remember, the woman HATES YOU as a man and wants you to SUFFER. If you laugh, that sure ain’t suffering. And if SHE laughs too, YOU laugh again!!! Out-laugh the twit!

    Also, all women want to express themselves and be heard, and as a bonus, have something to laugh about later with a Girlfriend. They’ll never want to brag about making a man laugh, never never never.

  10. frank on April 24th, 2007 12:13 pm

    I am studying this like a bible! Whenever I feel upset about the unjust done to men, I come here and I feel so much better. Whenever I see a commerical, or heard about a movie that put men down, I come here and I feel better. Thanks to the creator and you guys.

  11. Sick Boi on June 7th, 2007 7:51 am

    WoW! Thank you so much for this resource! In just the 3 days that I have had to use this as a resource, it has helped me twice and I am sure it will many more times in the future!!! I was charged with being bitter on my blog by my wife’s feminist friends who hide behind the flag of equality. She was telling me, I was bitter because I was upset at high pressure sales to raise money for breast cancer research when all I wanted to buy was a cup of coffee. The sales people wouldn’t drop the issue so I posted on it in my blog. And the attacks started flying. So I went to my new favorite site for defensive weaponry ( and quoted code red while stating that my “feelings” are legitimate as any persons feelings are. I still have not gotten a reply back from her. I’m shocked really! LoL!

  12. andy on November 13th, 2007 8:52 am

    To my way of thinking being a man means living your life the way that you want to, so any time that some one levels one of these accusations against you just smile, nod and say “yeah and i’m still going to/not going to do it” (delete as applicable whatever it may be) once you have resolved to not let a woman have power over you – she doesn’t.

  13. Barnoz on March 11th, 2008 3:08 am

    Many of the shaming tactics centre around invalidation of the man’s perspective and emotions. They also seek to actually avoid debating the point!
    Classic and effective, but not if you can recognise them and counter them!

  14. marie on November 23rd, 2008 12:19 pm

    as much as i agree women can be petty, I’m thinking this website is a little extreme?
    You’re complaining about women being feminists and sterotyping men, and at the same time, doing the exact same thing.
    We’re all human beings, and for me, i think we all deserve to be treated equally. There is no should or shouldnt in a relationship. It’s always going to be whatever works. If you’re in a healthy relationship with a nice person, they shouldn’t be pulling this on you. They’re just a bunch of stupid guilt trips. (Note that males also use guilt trips?)
    personally, i’ve never found it nessecary to use a line like these ones, because i’ve never been in a relationship that requires undermining my partner
    SO, i vote we all grow up and treat one another better. There’s that old proverb that i like to use “Do unto others as you would have done unto you”
    its very very true
    and it works

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

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