Why Do Men Cheat?
February 22, 2007
Why do men cheat? Why is it, their biological desires seem to go unfulfilled and lead them to divorce court in the end? Every man is different, but the consensus is that s*x driven men are being denied at home by their wives. The wives are using s*x as a reward to keep their men in check. For example, if men refuse to help around the house, they will be denied.
Vanessa Lloyd Platt an attorney in the UK is amazed by how many women file for divorce right after the new year, in her post “Why we divorce lawyers are having a VERY happy New Year” for the Daily Mail she writes:
“For as long as I’ve been a divorce lawyer – some 29 years – it has always been the same; the first working day after the Christmas break is the busiest of the year. It’s a bit like the stampede on the first day of the January sales, except we have customers queuing up round the block for divorces, not discounts.
…In simple terms, it’s the fact that Christmas is one of the few periods of the year when husbands and wives are forced to spend a lot of time with each other. For the same reason, September is also a busy time for divorce lawyers, coming straight after the long summer holidays, and it seems to be the same complaints uttered every year.
A lot of people, especially women, get very excited about the build-up to Christmas and New Year, and have an image in their heads of a perfect family Christmas – a beautifully decorated house, stress-free cooking, charming children and a happy family playing board games in front of the tree.
Naturally, the expectation is far better than the reality, leaving many wives frustrated and disappointed that their dreams and hopes for the festive season have come to nothing.
…Many women complain that their husbands spent most of the Christmas and New Year festivities in the pub and not in their company, depriving them of the love, attention and support so many of them crave.
Having believed the holidays were the one time that they could isolate their menfolk from work and other distractions, the distractions still won.”
…Other women complain that their husbands do not do their fair share with the children, leaving them not only to do the shopping, cooking and clearing up, but also to provide endless entertainment for the little darlings as well.“
And yes, American Women feel the same way as their UK counterparts. These women just can’t seem to understand that they cannot train a lion or a grizzly with this mentality. It’s simple. If a woman loves her man freely and shows him appreciation, her man will do whatever it takes to keep her happy. That’s the secret ladies! Write that down! Yet many women feel they can use the promise of s*x or the denial of s*x to manipulate and change their man’s behavior. That will never work. It goes against biology. Why do you think we are built this way? We are not built with wide child bearing hips? Why do you think we are physically the strongest of genders? It’s because we can go out into the jungle and kill things and bring it back to the cave for the family to eat. Don’t send us mail, citing examples of physically (hooked on roids) strong women. Yes we are aware of a tiny percent of the freaks out there who deep down inside have p*nis envy. Man is king of the jungle and will always be. To deny otherwise, is to deny our biological roles. It has nothing to do with Male Chauvinism.
Over at the Don’t Get Married Forum, some brothers of ours comment on the dillema:
thechief writes: “This is probably my favorite “theme”, if you will, to this board and the MRA movement as a whole. The fact that we aren’t losing out on s*x if we refrain from marriage because s*x eventually dries up in a marriage anyway. They stop giving it up. And as I’ve said before, I don’t even think it’s something conscious for most of them. At some point they just realize they have everything they wanted out of a marriage (the house, the kids, the security, etc, etc) and they don’t have to give it up any more. This, combined with a passive/aggressive streak I think most women have that makes them uncomfortable whenever their man is too happy or contented means that eventually they decide ‘OK, that’s enough s*x for you.’
Did they honestly think we wouldn’t mind?
The good news is that some prominent women (Dr. Laura, Jennifer Roback Morse) realize this is a problem and are encouraging women to rethink denying their men s*x. There’s also a body cream–the active ingredients are testosterone, estrogen and progesterone–that supposedly helps keep the female libido up. I’m an optimist, maybe there’ll be a sea change some day.
Until then, frankly, there are call girls. As I’ve said, I respect escorts more than most women because at least they’re honest about the fact they’re f*cking you for your money.”
The Reverend Porckchops (Always a favorite commented on our story “What Would Life Be Like Without Feminism?“: “The feminists at N.O.W. are working diligently to legalize p**********n everywhere in America, so once the feminists at NOW get p**********n legalized everywhere in America then the marriage rate should plummet to near zero.”
We got an email from M. Hunter in reply to the Reverend’s comments that we felt should be included in this main post:
“And why exactly is that a bad thing. If p**********n were legalized it would solve a lot of problems for both sexes. First of all suckers wouldn’t have to worry about buying their ‘dates’ a dinner and a movie just so they might get a kiss. That means that as a guy you are paying $55 just to get your foot in the door. If you’re lucky enough to g******d by the third date you’ve just spent $165 and that’s not counting the time you’ve wasted that could be put to other uses. I don’t know about you but I would much rather bang a hot 18 year old legal prostitute that has been tested for stds’ then try and pick someone up at a club (which is basically has to do with chance) or waste my time dating.
Also think about how legalizing p**********n would effect the dynamics of male/female relationships. A manipulative woman would no longer have “******** it would only backfire on her when her husband stopped by the local brothel for and banged a hooker just out of high school. For professional gold diggers (think Anna Nicole here) it would be harder to manipulate rich and emotionally gullible men. There would also be less marriages for *** or money. People might actually start getting married because they’re (gasp) in love. power”. If a wife wanted to try and steer a relationship by with holding
Legalized p**********n would be beneficial for females as well. The wouldn’t have to worry about being “used” for *** as much. Also in my opinion it’s much less likely that some sicko will brutally r**e a women if his choices for satisfying his urges extend beyond jerking off or paying some crack ***** that looks like a deformed rhino for some trim.”
And now for one of our brothers from Craig’s list to enlighten you on the joys of marriage.
You wonder why men cheat?
So I’ve had about all I can stand. How is it marriage allows you to take someone sexually hostage? Where the f**k do women get off dictating what is an appropriate amount of s*x? You say you just have too much going on and it’s not a priority but get your feelings hurt when you get cheated on, sorry not feeling the compassion like I should I guess.
Let me paint a picture. I am mostly normal, professional, successful, kind, generous, blah blah blah. I am in my second marriage. The first was as much my fault as hers but one theme that held true was the drastic drop off in s*x. What gives?
I have seen the scenario unfold many many times. You meet a guy and you f**k non-stop for months. It tapers off but both are feeling pretty satisfied by the quality of s*x and both agree that it will always be this way. In fact the guy is assuming this is a cornerstone of the relationship and takes this into consideration when he offers you a huge freakin’ ring you did nothing to deserve. Am I being too harsh? I don’t think so, about 1% of the population of the world has a diamond ring of 1 karat or larger. What makes you so special?
Let me take a different tact, if it costs $8,000 for a ring for 1 or 2 years of p*rnstar s*x so be it, just lay it out there, get it on the table that it’s a negotiable contract that comes due every couple years. You agree to be the nasty f*ck toy we fell in love with and we will buy you another ring or other appropriate trinket. That’s fair isn’t it?
But no… it doesn’t work out like that. Half a dozen years into your marriage you just don’t have time anymore. What used to be a fun quickie on the bathroom counter now is just a pain in the a*s. Hmmm where did we go wrong, how did mankind get duped like this? How can we warn the young men who are about to make the fatal mistake of putting a ring on your spoiled finger?
Do I sound bitter? Well I guess I do. Let me explain, I’m sure there’s more than myself in this unfortunate spot. My wife of 6 years has had s*x with me 12 times this year. Three of the last four times she said, “I’m just going to lay here, and I don’t want to do anything. Just hurry up and get it over with”.
The final insult came last week when she said I hate dragging it out, I just want to get my “O” and be done with it. (This takes 5 minutes tops)
I was empathetic for the first six years about how the anti depressants killed your s*x drive, I did the research, I recommended the different types that weren’t as libido killing as the SSRI’s. Enough is enough though.
Let’s do the math
5 minutes of s*x 12 times a year is one hour of s*x per year. ONE FREAKIN’ HOUR…
It used to be one hour or longer each time we had s*x when we were dating. WHAT GIVES?
Lets compare that to the 8760 hours in a year. Yes almost 9 thousand hours in a year and you can barely be bothered to f**k for one of them? You should be arrested, you should be fined, you should be publicly humiliated.
Yes, I am being a baby. I totally understand that I am being a raving lunatic.
Why? Because I have tried divorce once. Never mind that it was financially devastating, life altering, and hell on earth for years. None of that compares to the fact that it forever ruined my relationship with my children, regardless of what you may console yourselves with, divorce hurts everyone and no one is better for it unless you are in harms way by staying.
I am so sick of the spoiled, me me me attitude by today’s American woman that I could just bite myself.
During the dating phase you told us all your hopes and dreams which mostly consisted of a nice home, kids, a dog, family holidays, vacations, etc. We told you we liked all that but wanted a car or a motorcycle or a boat to go along with it.
Fast-forward half a dozen years. You have all the things you wanted, never mind the mortgage is oppressive, the activities for the kids cost hundreds of dollars a month, you b***h constantly about how you hate the house you absolutely HAD to have years ago. You have a medicine cabinet full of Paxil, Effexor, Vicodin, sleeping pills, awake pills, everything but a freakin’ horny pill.
You b***h that all your friends have the things you want and you are miserable yet the kids are the best kids in the history of the world, everyone is healthy, you drive an SUV like your friends, you get Starbucks regularly.
WHAT IN YOUR LIFE IS SO HORRIBLE?
You’re bored? You don’t have your own life? You feel over worked. Don’t get me wrong, raising children is the hardest job by far since it rarely affords a break but is it so bad? (Agreed that the kids are so spectacular because of your constant attention, but if you ignore your marriage it will go the way of a forgotten child too).
You could have been born poor, you could have to work 50 hours a week and take care of the kids, and pay for the mortgage on your own but you don’t. Instead you go to play group, you shop, you drive around looking at houses you dream of living in instead of the one you have.
I can see how you don’t have any time for s*x. I mean after all the guy who sacrificed his own hopes and dreams to finance yours probably isn’t worthy of some respect, admiration, and god forbid occasional s*x.
(Disclaimer time… I know us guys are a pain in the a*s to live with that goes without saying)
The moral of the story is that it’s just as much your fault as mine that I have taken a lover, she is everything your not. She is carefree; she acts like a total s**t because we have an understanding that I prize her above all things for just being her S****y self, not condemning her for it. She doesn’t accusingly look at me like I duped her into buying that freakin’ leper of a house, doesn’t tell me that I stole her life from her because she is raising children now. It is a total vacation from everything you have become.
The funny thing is I would totally be there with you hand in hand praising you instead of her if you would only treat me like a human again. If you would only show the slightest passion, if you would just quit trying to take any possible enjoyment out of life for me and everyone around you then maybe, just maybe we could have a good life.
And please, don’t give me the line about the medication and the councilors anymore, it worked for the first six years but it doesn’t fly anymore. You came from a good family, you weren’t abused, you weren’t neglected, you are attractive, funny, kind, sweet at times.
I’ve saved the best part for last.
I am angry at myself for letting life get here. I should not have loved you so much that I could never say no. I should have not married you so soon; I should have bought all the things I wanted before we married.
Most of all I hate that I am saying these things to a million nobody’s on the Internet instead of you. I would have, but we all know what happens when you drink, and you drink a lot these days.
Most of all I can’t believe I could be so stupid as to find myself here again. What did I cosmically do wrong? What did I do to p**s off God in a past life to deserve this?
I am so freakin’ pissed off at you for everything, why did you freakin’ have to freakin’ be this way? Why couldn’t you just freakin’ be sane, why? why, freakin’, why? I just want to kick a chair or break a window or something.”
Khankrumthebulgar from the Don’t Get Married Forum sums it up well: “When you hit 50 you look back and ask yourself was it worth it? With respect to my children yes. To Marriage HELL NO. All the intimacy is at the front end once the ring goes on the finger it comes to a screeching halt. And the affection diminishes. My Second wife used to ask me when we were Dating & Courting “Am I meeting your needs”? After 7 years of Marriage. “When will we go on Vacation to Paris”?? What will you get me for my Birthday, me, me, me.
I remember s*x, I remember I liked it. I remember when she wore Exciting clothes. I was just the Husband. I was just the Lifestyle Provider. It was all about what I provided her. Don’t do it Guys. Don’t all the Men who are posting on Craigslist, and elsewhere say the same thing. AW are c**p for wives. One in a thousand is worth it. What kind of idiot would buy a car at those odds?? Not very many. Why screw up your life with an ungrateful Woman who does not get it?”
Brothers! If I could give you one BIG reason to cheat, here it is!