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American Woman Kills Marine Husband For New Set of Jubblies

February 1, 2007

Cynthia Sommer and her jubbliesIn Austin Powers 2 The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999), Austin (Mike Myers) is fired upon by Vanessa, a Fembot with breasts camouflaging machine guns:

Austin: “Machine gun jubblies! How did I miss those, baby?”
Fembot: “Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.”

As I get on in my years in life, a day doesn’t go by, when I don’t think about a woman’s jubblies. And every year that is added to my age, reflects how difficult it is to find a good American Woman (and one with a great set of jubblies). I can’t tell you how many times we receive emails asking us to not stereotype woman as being ALL bad. Emails reminding us that there are plenty of good American women out there for us men to sample. And no need for us to turn to foreign women.

“ALL women are not good and innocent. Neither are all men. What many of you seem to have forgotten is that there are bad men, bad women, good men, and good women. You just have to find the good ones.”

You just have to find the good ones they say. Have faith. So why then is it getting easier and easier to flush out the bad ones?

My brothers, if you think you know someone after only a few years, then you are sadly mistaken.

Once upon a time, a healthy young U.S Marine with morals, weds a washed-up older woman (10 years his senior) with 3 kids from a previous failed marriage. That alone should earn him the Congressional Medal of Honor! His wife wants breast implants. Our God-fearing Marine brother is just not comfortable with that and says no to paying for his wife’s breast implant surgery. But does she let it go at that? Read on my brothers.

The story, according to the investigators and prosecutors, is that Cynthia Sommer was pissed at her Marine Corps husband because he was refusing to shell out $6K or $7K for her boob job. So she slipps him arsenic. The military coroner ruled it a heart attack (he was 23 at the time), and she collected on his $250K federal life insurance policy (remember, he was a Marine).

But people started to become suspicious when she started showing up at parties just a few weeks after his death and saying “Hey everybody, look at my new nice big whoppers!”

“Witnesses testified that Sommer had breast implant surgery two months after Todd died, partied in Tijuana, Mexico, with girlfriends and entered wet T-shirt and thong contests.”

Wow, a classic American woman indeed. Well, she was finally found guilty.

“After the jury was excused, Sommer put her hand to her forehead and slowly shook her head but did not cry.”

Of course there are no tears. She’s looking forward to the guards playing with her new set of jubblies.

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13 Responses to “American Woman Kills Marine Husband For New Set of Jubblies”

  1. ingrid on February 2nd, 2007 12:43 am

    “You just have to find the good ones they say. Have faith. So why then is it getting easier and easier to flush out the bad ones?”

    I know women who feel similarly about men. Do I think that they are right? No. There are a lot of good guys out there.

    Generalizations are silly and frequently inaccurate.

    This type of “analysis” reminds me of horoscopes. Hooey.

  2. Javier on February 2nd, 2007 11:59 am

    Seems like a lot of this c**p is going around. Hell, even Miss USA and the ex-Miss Nevada can’t even have morals, and we expect common lay women to have them? LOL!

  3. Reverend Porkchops on February 2nd, 2007 3:44 pm

    She planned with great forethought and executed the cold-blooded murder of her Marine husband, but many in America will never hear of this woman and what she did because she is an unremorseful killer who happens to be a woman.

    This woman executed her murder in the state of California, the same state that Scott Peterson killed his wife, but Scott Peterson was sentenced to die for killing his wife. She only gets life in prison. Scott Peterson was made a household name around the globe for his dastardly deed, this woman’s evil is buried on the backpage. The nightly news in America did 1000′s of updates on the Scott Peterson case, while they remain virtually silent on this female killer’s case.

    This is what you call spreading a massive lie across America — the lie being that only men commit evil, because when women commit the same evil, you will rarely hear about it unless you dig through the back pages and the internet. The issue isn’t about women or men being evil and committing evil deeds, the issue is that women who commit evil deeds are quietly swept under the rug and if/when they do get punished for their evil deeds they never receive punishment even close to what a man would receive for doing the same evil act.

    Has anyone heard about the case of the pastor’s wife who shot her husband dead in Tennessee about a year ago? Nope, nothing in the news. The last I heard about 3 months ago, is that she was out of jail on bond and working at a dry-cleaners while she awaits trial. Imagine that, a woman murders her husband by shooting him in the back and the back of his head, and then she gets out of jail on bond to work at a dry-cleaners.

  4. pmydkm01 (A Female) on February 4th, 2007 11:18 am

    I agree. I think criminals, no matter who they are, should get equal coverage. If you do something bad, one should get his/her deserved punishment. None of this going easy stuff.

    The only reason why it’s easy to flush out “bad” women and “bad” men is because they take up so much space and attention. Let’s face it: good people just aren’t that interesting. Unfortunate, but it makes the hunt for a good partner in life to be worthwhile at least.

  5. cherry_jujube2 (A Female) on February 4th, 2007 12:16 pm

    I agree. The hush-hush treatment of female criminals is unfair. If you’re a criminal, you’re a criminal. It’s only equal.

  6. Khankrumthebulgar on February 6th, 2007 8:32 am

    Mary Winker was caught on camera partying at a bar. The wife of a minister who shot him in the back with a shotgun. She squandered their money on a Nigerian Get Rich Quick scheme scam. Can you say greedy idiot? Yes we also had yesterday an astronaut (female). A forty something married mother of three. Who drove from Houston Texas to Florida, with the intention of kidnapping another female rival for the attention of a male astronaut.

    She is being held without bond. And faces life in prison for attempted kidnapping. This has become common behavior. And we have another woman jailed for killing her husband for an insurance payoff.

  7. Mike Hunter on February 12th, 2007 8:02 am

    This is standard fare for the military especially the Marine Corps or Army. The problem is that you ship millions of males to the same area with an extremely limited supply of females. The results are of course horrific. Young guys around 18 or 19 marrying some washed up stripper with 3 kids who f***s everyone in sight and whores hereself out all while emptying her new suckers bank account while he’s away. I’ve seen the same story play it’s self out over and over again.

    The problem is supply and demand. There is a very low supply of women and a high demand for them (remember most people in the military are horny young guys) the results are trainwrecks like this one.

  8. Bruce on February 21st, 2007 12:45 pm

    Nonsense to the women who order us not to stereotype women as all bad. Intelligent men MUST view all women as bad, because it is not possible to tell the majority of freaks from the few decent women. If we pick the wrong one, we are destroyed.

    If you women would police other women, that is, demand they be punished when they commit adultery or do acts of violence, or mistreat their men, we could afford to take a chance.

    You never do that. You sit, totally ignoring the evils done by women, and wait for men to criticize the fiends, then you verbally attack the men and tell us just how we are supposed to act and think. Enough already of your nonsense.

  9. Lin on April 3rd, 2007 3:45 am

    Bruce, we can’t police other women, like you can’t police your male buddies out there. To us, other women are sometimes the enemy…trying to screw our men etc. Every girlfriend I know says that women want men who have girlfriends and wives, because its a challenge. When I used to go out with the guy i’m dating, we never held hands. Rarely did girls stare or try to smile at him. Now, when we hold hands in public, its like every woman in the universe bats her eyes at him.

    Women are f****d up, in so many different ways. We all hate each other for the most part. Sadly, its other women who often ruin our relationships and marriages. But men are bad too. So, you police yours Brucey, and we’ll do what we can.

    Oh, and PSS, that woman is crazy. I’m 26 y/o and I dated a 19 y/o marine. Marines are HOT. Men don’t realize most women go nuts for that uniform and the whole protector thing. She was a r****d. I would have paid for her breast implants, so she would’ve left him alive and sent that sweet young man my way. Any marines 23-30 reading this….I love you! And I’ve got quite a pair of natural jujubies or whatever, over here!!

  10. Juliana on July 19th, 2007 6:09 pm

    My Marines!! My brothers, my good men!!

    I am so sorry…..I am so sorry that this greedy THING, this filthy abomination, this stinking predator was a female, as I am, and an American, as I am.

    I am deeply ashamed of this murdering creature!!

    I….I hope “it” gets silicone poisoning!

  11. Botched Autopsy on October 26th, 2007 8:24 am

    This is a case of a botched autopsy!

    Wagner was baffled by the results, so he contacted Centeno. Centeno admitted that he initially had reservations about the test results and considered whether the tissues had been contaminated.

    Centeno said, “I had never seen such high levels of arsenic.”

    In the e-mail he sent to Wagner, he said he was “surprised” by the high levels of arsenic found in the liver and kidney, which were inconsistent with the negative results in the blood and urine.

  12. No Murder on October 26th, 2007 8:25 am

    Despite: claims by investigators that the tape recorder used in the initial interview with Cindy failed and they reconstructed the interview from memory; babysitter testimony that conflicts with that of first responders and telephone records; and countless lab discrepancies including breaks in the chain of custody, no quality controls, no standard operating procedures, and defense expert testimony that the results of the AFIP heavy metals testing were inconsistent with arsenic poisoning; Cindy Sommer was found guilty in January 2007 of murder by arsenic poisoning for financial gain.

  13. Equal on December 29th, 2007 6:37 pm

    Women have an invisible allegiance to their sisterhood that guys don’t have. Which I say if we did have, it would help.

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

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