American Woman Kills Marine Husband For New Set of Jubblies
February 1, 2007
In Austin Powers 2 The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999), Austin (Mike Myers) is fired upon by Vanessa, a Fembot with breasts camouflaging machine guns:
Austin: “Machine gun jubblies! How did I miss those, baby?”
Fembot: “Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.”
As I get on in my years in life, a day doesn’t go by, when I don’t think about a woman’s jubblies. And every year that is added to my age, reflects how difficult it is to find a good American Woman (and one with a great set of jubblies). I can’t tell you how many times we receive emails asking us to not stereotype woman as being ALL bad. Emails reminding us that there are plenty of good American women out there for us men to sample. And no need for us to turn to foreign women.
“ALL women are not good and innocent. Neither are all men. What many of you seem to have forgotten is that there are bad men, bad women, good men, and good women. You just have to find the good ones.”
You just have to find the good ones they say. Have faith. So why then is it getting easier and easier to flush out the bad ones?
My brothers, if you think you know someone after only a few years, then you are sadly mistaken.
Once upon a time, a healthy young U.S Marine with morals, weds a washed-up older woman (10 years his senior) with 3 kids from a previous failed marriage. That alone should earn him the Congressional Medal of Honor! His wife wants breast implants. Our God-fearing Marine brother is just not comfortable with that and says no to paying for his wife’s breast implant surgery. But does she let it go at that? Read on my brothers.
The story, according to the investigators and prosecutors, is that Cynthia Sommer was pissed at her Marine Corps husband because he was refusing to shell out $6K or $7K for her boob job. So she slipps him arsenic. The military coroner ruled it a heart attack (he was 23 at the time), and she collected on his $250K federal life insurance policy (remember, he was a Marine).
But people started to become suspicious when she started showing up at parties just a few weeks after his death and saying “Hey everybody, look at my new nice big whoppers!”
“Witnesses testified that Sommer had breast implant surgery two months after Todd died, partied in Tijuana, Mexico, with girlfriends and entered wet T-shirt and thong contests.”
Wow, a classic American woman indeed. Well, she was finally found guilty.
“After the jury was excused, Sommer put her hand to her forehead and slowly shook her head but did not cry.”
Of course there are no tears. She’s looking forward to the guards playing with her new set of jubblies.