But, it appears that for this fellow, Intervention is the best idea. You have to force these people to accept their problem, usually by imposing penalty to the action (such as a loved one leaving). To be truly affective though, you should involve mental health professionals, as just up and leaving them will usually only accelerate the condition.

I get it…i do. No one deserves to have their home look like that.

BUT

You cant tell me that ALL of that mess is entirely her fault.

I take care of our 4 kids (under the age of 7) everyday. I also go to school and work part time. My husband works and goes to school as well.

I feel that as a member of the household, my husband has a responsibility to do some of the chores too.

And he does, for the most part.

But i would be PISSED AS ALL HELL if he were to ever hold over the fact hat he works all damn day so I should be responsible for the house all by myself.

Im not his mommy. and I work just as hard as he does.

This guy needs to get rid of s**t, and take responsibility for his part as well.

Some people may be time-limited or distracted and eventually feel too overwhelmed to clean it up (they don’t know where to start–as amazing as that sounds), but if she was refusing to clean up the home and refusing to help you then it came to a point where her behavior became a health threat to both of you. It indicates she didn’t care about the environment or it’s occupants, was actively abusing you, or had other distracting issues.

I see the picture and immediately have questions: What was she doing with her time? Why didn’t she care about this, or you, or herself? Why was she so irresponsible or abusive to you? Why was she so hostile to assistance (when most similarly placed people would beg for and greatly welcome help and relief)? But also you were an occupant in this environment. Was she preventing (distracting/fighting) you from cleaning things, or was your time occupied with tasks (a job) which prevented you from engaging in sufficient maintenance? Or was her personality, behavior, and personal environment so defective that living with her became a mental or physical health hazard?

I’m sorry your marriage ended. If your spouse was uncooperative, hostile/abusive to, or disregarding of your health and safety your divorce and expelling her from your life was naturally obligatory. I wish your life be serene, prosperous, healthy, happy, and long. (And I hope her life goes well too.)

One of these is the cleanliness of the my house. I mean, how freaking hard is it to simply pick up after yourself? Must you be reminded ALL the time?? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just “darnit baby, you left a coke can out again!” That’s not what I mean – I mean the entire house is covered – if I step out of my bed at night to use the bathroom, I fall over clothes, baskets, glasses, garbage, used dishes, etc, etc. This is insane! What kind of person does this c**p?

I’m sick and tired of being told that she’s “upholding our marriage vows.” Things are so messy here now that I don’t bother putting up every single thing I get out anymore, mainly because it doesn’t matter where I put it – it still looks the same!

I have done more than my fair share of “upholding my vows,” and I’m tired. I’ve been lied to. I may not have a prenup, but it doesn’t matter – I’m still broke as I ever was, if not more so – I’ve put her butt through college, working long hours at her insistance, not getting any emotional attention, everyone else coming before me; she gave me her spoken word, and that’s a binding contract in my opinion. I don’t easily give my word to ANYONE unless I really know that I am going to back it up.

I grew up with my parents s******g me over and over again with lies and broken promises, messed up houses, yelling/screaming/fighting and a variety of other problems – the result was that I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I told her this BEFORE we got married and she said “All I want is to make you happy since you were treated so badly.” Now the only time I get “pampered” with affection is when I insinuate that I’m thinking about separation. This is absolutely unacceptable to me – I’m tired of being told I’m loved when there are no actions to back up that claim.

I want to get out myself. This sure comes as a close second to living with a drunk!
Mine stays home. She’s a stay at home mom, so there’s no excuse!

Still I must work 12 hours a day then come home and clean too? And I just can’t keep up with it. This is taking a toll on my health as well as on my children. I am having them sleep in their bed and watch roaches crawl on their bed! But there’s nothing I can bring into the courts with this, to get myself and my children out of this trash dump! Being a man, I am in a major disadvantage.

HELP!!!

He needs to forcibly commit her to an institution.

He needs to take up the slack and clean up HER mess while she’s on vacation where she’s being pampered and told she’s unaccountable for anything.

Laughable.

and no, I will not shut up regardless of my experience with or exposure to mental illness.

You cannot force people to accept help and care against their will. Doing so would only end with his further vilification by her friends and family, and quite probably be viewed as a form of abuse.

He did the right thing by leaving her indolent, screwed up a*s. Burning the place to the ground would be adequate justice done.

My advice to to Ed? Sounds like he did all he could do to help her (and trust me, there isn’t much he can do). He simply needs to take care of *himself* now, and get the hell out of there- divorce her, separate from her, do whatever he needs to do.