25 Ways A Woman Can Please Her Man In Bed
January 9, 2007
If you’re looking to read the biggest pile of donkey crap ever to splat on a blog, look at Fifty Mistakes Men Make When Having Sex. The writer seems to think that women are these delicate, naive, little flowers, devoid of all spontaneity and lust. This is a sex guide written by Disney for 14-year-old girls.
Thank goodness someone decided to clean up that pile of horse-hockey and rewrite it like it should be written. And who is that brilliant writer who speaks for the Modern Alpha Male? Why it’s Tweaker Chick, a woman. An enlightened woman at that. The TweekerChick doesn’t give a f**k what you have to say. Nor does she encourage feedback of any kind. She was kind enough to rewrite the list with her rebuttal. Men, feel free and hand this down to your eldest son. Doormats and Manginas, take notes.
The Politics of F**king aka 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex. (We cleaned up some of the language so we don’t evoke that nasty filter in Google. We want everyone to know about this amazing scripture!
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partner’s mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that crap. It makes men pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it’s not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That crap is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn’t unreasonable, but when it’s time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that’s nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pronstar all the time. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the crap that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I don’t know who comes up with half that crap, but I’m pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his “one-eyed geelah monster” instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy? Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He’s about to get some “trim”. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. I’m pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor….Wanna read the rest? Why not buy us a beer real quick.. Just click here.
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The problem in western nations is that most women have gone to the extremes. Most women are either **** blockers or they spread their legs for anything that moves or comes with batteries, there’s no reasonable balance between these extremes, thus very few women in the west have a healthy view of ****** intimacy — yet the vast majority of western women cry for a monogamous relationship with a man. Go figure.
Simple formula for Marital happiness. Don’t spend us into insolvency. Cook us home made meals on a regular basis. Give us time to unwind and to reconnect mentally before the complaint department opens for business. A regular romp in Bed at least 3 times in Bed, weekly. And an occassional ****** escapade. Be inventive. Regular verbal appreciation, respect, admiration. Cold Beer or beverage. Laugh at our jokes now and then. Let us be Men, not Metrosexuals, Men Damnit.
Let us be Fathers and discipline our children. Acknowledge we will not be your Girlfriends, or will want to act like one. Let us enjoy our Sports, and have some downtime with our Buddies. Men are simple. We don’t need alot. We will walk over broken glass to please you, give our lives to protect you. And listen to your concerns.
We will not emote like you. We are hard wired differently. If you are worried about directions. Invest in a GPS device. End transmission.
The only way a western woman can please me in bed is if she just let me sleep.
It’s “Gila” monster, not “Geela”.
Oh, and it’s pronounced “Heela”.
This was the best advice i ever got.i made my daughter read it!!! I always new that men love ***.But now im going ot make sure I do too.yeaaaa.
I have to say this was the worst advice ever. Obviously you have only been with men who don’t give a **** about you. The only advice in this article was to give up any bit of respect you might have for yourself in order to **** a man that will most likely not have respect for you either. I don’t think you are in any position to be giving advice to anyone.
How about “25 Ways A Husband and Wife Can Please Each Other In Bed”? It goes both ways guys.
If you do not show that you care about or have an interest in your “signifigant other” as a person outside the bedroom, you can not always expect them to want to have *** with you inside the bedroom. Unless of course, your relationship is solely based on ***.
Sharon contrary to what you have been lead to believe, love and *** are two different things and you don’t need one to have the other. If your partner is not giving you what you want then just look elsewhere, Thailand is a good place to start.
Funny as Hell… What’s sad is that they are true…
how do i put my man to bed?
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. LOL the “hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha” had me laughing for a good three minutes. So much — not all — is true. We (women) do have a tendency to expect too much and then are disappointed when our men let us down. Let’s let them be them. And appreciate them for it.