The Beautiful Bride Barbie Doll
December 21, 2006
It’s Christmas time and I found myself shopping at the local Toys R us for my 3 1/2 year old little girl. To my despair, I was subjected to 3 aisles of pure c**p. My pupils were being burned by the likes of dolls named “Bratz” and disturbing makeup kits that were “3 year old friendly”. As I stared at the mind numbing selection of various “Diva Packs” (make believe cell phones, lip glosses etc), I couldn’t help but think of Jon Benet Ramsey. The old doormat in me wanted to cry. I feared the make-believe life my daughter would live as a result of having grown up with these parasitic fem-toys.
One toy that has sadly become an American institution is the Barbie. Right up there with those sick and twisted Disney films that numb a little girl into la-la land. As Khankrumthebulgar puts it, “Reality cannot live up to cartoons. Women are trained to find a man with motivation from the beginning, starting with Disney classics like Cinderella (poor rag lures wealth under false pretenses), Lady and the Tramp (uppity b*tch-hound hopes to make over motivated mutt) and Sleeping Beauty (catatonic do-nothing wakes up to unearned riches). Thank you very much, Walt.”
As my stomach turned, I grabbed the box and repeatedly flipped it over and over in my hands as I did my best to search out a warning label.
WARNING: THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE BARBIE DOLL IS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE
Studies have shown that playing marriage can some day lead to the real thing and unrealistic expectations of men.
WARNING: CHILDREN SEE AND CHILDREN DO
Your children are twice as likely to get married if you do. Half of all miserable marriages among life-long couples result from use of playing with this doll.
WARNING: THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE BARBIE DOLL HURTS YOUR LONG TERM VIEW OF REALITY
Doll use during toddler years reduces the growth of cells that will later mature you and keep you grounded in reality. These smaller cells may not catch up in growth after high school, and the risks of unrealistic expectations and a lifetime of misery are increased.
Sadly I did not come across any such warning label, but I did manage to read the following:
“This glamorous bride is getting ready to walk down the aisle looking totally romantic. Beautiful long hair is braided at the crown and flows down in back with white flower hair accessories for the girl to wear and share. The fitted bodice rises above an exquisite full skirt with faux rhinestones. A choker of three strings of faux pearls, long white gloves and a full veil complete this gorgeous bridal ensemble.”
3 – 7 years
“These factors are also considered in labeling a product with a ‘best age range.’ While many children may enjoy products at different stages of their development, this rating is our suggestion for an age range which will best enjoy the product. … Based on your own experience with a product, feel free to also offer reviews and feedback on the website for other customers to learn from.”
I could not believe that they would suggest such a toy for a 3 year old. With one in two marriages failing in the United States every day and the rise and popularity of the current Men’s Movement and Marriage Strike knocking on the doors of the popular conscious, why would a toy manufacturer create such an appalling doll?
While the ending of the Beatles “Day in the life” was playing ’round in my head (the head tripping part after ” I love to turn you on.”); I was remembering some stats that Khankrumthebulgar posted on the Don’t Get Married Forum; last year Mark Mather reported that the “dramatic decline” in the married population is “one of the biggest demographic stories of the past several decades.” Now, married couples now account for a minority – 49.7% to be exact – of all U.S. households.
As a result of the decline of marriage, illegitimacy is on the upswing. Just last week the National Center for Health Statistics announced that almost four in 10 babies were born out-of-wedlock in 2005.
But there’s one fact that’s hard to dispute: our country faces an acute shortage of marriage-minded men.
Two years ago Barbara Whitehead and David Popenoe of Rutgers University did a national survey of single heterosexual men, ages 25-34. To everyone’s shock, they found 22% of the men declared no interest in finding their One and Only. That means two million American women will likely never see the inside of a wedding chapel.
I am not soured on romance, or the union between man and woman. I am soured by the institution of marriage in America. Granted, There is overwhelming research that shows marriage benefits both men and women in terms of their financial and emotional well-being. Plus, married folks live longer. I too have heard all that before.
So what do we need to do to entice men back into the courtship ritual? Again the eloquent Khankrumthebulgar has offered some possible remedies:
“First, we need to dispose of the boogeyman of the patriarchal ogre lording over his beleaguered wife. If that image was ever true, it certainly doesn’t apply to any couple that I know of. In fact, the reverse now seems to be more commonplace: the harried, henpecked husband who’s hectored to keep his feet off the furniture during the ball game.
Second, we need to consider the effects of the 1992 Supreme Court’s Planned Parenthood v. Casey decision that banned fathers from participating in decisions to keep the unborn baby, thus leaving them biologically disenfranchised.
Third, we’ve got to do more to help boys excel academically. Trash the Title IX quotas, provide special help for boys who are lagging, and tell teachers to stop expecting boys to act like girls.
Fourth, we need to do a major overhaul of our nation’s domestic violence laws, which allow any woman to plunder her husband’s assets and steal his children by merely claiming “abuse.”
And fifth, reform of our divorce laws is long overdue, so fathers are encouraged to remain involved in their children’s lives as parents, not every-other-weekend visitors.”
Will the government do anything about it? Probably not.
Lee, a fellow brother on the Don’t Get Married Forum suggests the obvious:
“Why is this happening? Because the government will grow to service this constituency.
1) Children raised only by mothers are poor:
More work for government Welfare, SSI, SDI and Unemployment benefits workers.
2) Behavioral Problems:
More work for government social workers and therapists.
3) Academic Problems:
More work for government educators.
4) Trouble with the law:
More work for government correctional, judicial and police workers.”
Khankrumthebulgar wakes me up out of my despair: “Women want, need, and desire to be wanted and loved. Some are now openly saying Feminism has screwed them. Duh, only men are no longer willing to trust them. And are unwilling to come back to negotiate a ‘New Deal’. Why the hell should men? Go get your love from your ‘Sugar Daddy Uncle Sam’.”
I dropped the doll and ran like Forest Gump out of the aisle and to the front door, knocking over some guy’s shopping cart. What really freaked me out was he looked like a 21 year old version of myself (handsome, that’s a given); and he was holding a Yoo-hoo! Imagine that! I shook my head and said, “Don’t do it, Don’t ever get married; and continued my run to my Gremlin parked outside. Looks like I will have to visit Target tomorrow. I’m going to pick up for my little one, a box of Lincoln Logs, just like I had as a boy.