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13 Ways A Wife Can Please Her Husband

November 29, 2006

cooking-wife.jpgGentlemen, before you consider dumping your wives, it is very important that you give them one last chance to straighten up before you ship them out. We certainly do not want you to leave a bad impression with your soon to be ex-wife’s side of the family, nor do we want her friends to speak ill of you either. So how about some good advice from an obediant and respectful Christian lady named Annie Angel. Annie has listed over a dozen saving graces your wife could do, to win your good humor back. Simply visit her site and print her list and leave it for your wife on the dirty stove. Chances are when you return, not only will you have a clean stove, but you will enjoy a healthy resurrection of your marriage; and your friends here at dumpyourwifenow.com will be nothing but a fond memory wishing you well at your second chance for happiness.

To be a good wife ladies, Ms. Angel suggests that you awaken before your husband and make sure “you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on”. But most importantly “ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice for him at breakfast”. And Ms. Angel further states that “only whores use frozen.”

Be sure ladies that you do NOT sit down with your husband at breakfast, for the “sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.”

Ms. Angel also serves up other jewels of marital wisdom such as, “Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it’s your fault. He’s had a busy day and he’s not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.”

And our personal favorite for marital harmony, “After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. … If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an ‘oh you!’, smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.”

She further exudes her tips for marital bliss, “when choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.”

And ladies (feminasties); you can see more of this amazing self-help list, by visiting the original author Annie Angel and email her with your thanks and praise. Annie is a 36 year old fitness professional and is just wild about Jesus. She penned this article as originally titled, How To Be A Good Christian Wife. Your Thanks and praise mail is more than welcome to join the already 300 plus comments over there. However, if you ladies (feminasties) are so inclined to brow beat us here for singing her praises, we are more than happy to be entertained by your rants. There is a link above for you to holler at us.

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6 Responses to “13 Ways A Wife Can Please Her Husband”

  1. khankrumthebulgar on January 9th, 2007 11:04 pm

    My Mother used to say to us Four Children. “Your Father works hard for us every day. Give him time to unwind. Before asking him for his time.” She made a point of saying this in front of our Dad. He always smiled, they after 51 years are still in Love. Still smile at each other. Still enjoy each other’s company. She dotes on him. Watches his diet makes sure he gets enough exercise and takes care of him.

    She gives him his space to pursue his Hobbies. This is what I saw Marriage to be like growing up. It is why I wanted to get Married. Yet half of us four kids have been Divorced. And our Spouses were not reasonable or realistic. We have been enveloped by the Divorce Culture.

  2. Shauna on January 27th, 2007 10:43 pm

    While I think that such roles are kind of unrealistic, they do have some bearing in reality. Wives should be nice to their husbands. But husbands should also be nice to their wives in return.

    And I do think that there are many many ways to make a marriage both happy and functional, without the 50′s Houswife mumbo-jumbo.

    I know that my father is very very unhappy, even though my mom did the whole housewife bit. It’s because she was so caught up in roles, that she forgot when they had to be real people with one another.

    Plus she seems to have this weird obsession with men being all rapists and molesters. I think this has to do with her childhood; being stuck in a household with a mom who was never there and a bunch of her mom’s boyfriends who probably did some awful things to her.

    Of course, this is not some kind of underhanded way of saying that all men are evil or bad, just that there are a lot of reasons to look at men and women and not just see two sexes, but also two seperate individuals.

    I love to bring lunch and dinner to my husband when he’s at work. He loves having a hot meal served to him when he’s stressed out from working on his meal break.

    I also love to prepare things for him and make his life easier if possible.

    However, he loves to cook sometimes (especially steak!) and I love when he serves me with meals.

    I say, whatever works to make both of you happy, healthy, and functional, do it!

    I can honestly say, though, that anyone who takes the “perfect Stepford Wives” roles and fills them to a T will probably find themselves very disappointed, and their husbands will wonder what alien robot replaced his wife.

    If you don’t like the person your wife is; get rid of her. Chances are, you’re both miserable.

  3. Charles on February 8th, 2007 6:43 am

    “ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice for him at breakfast”. And Ms. Angel further states that “only whores use frozen.”

    This is priceless…

  4. carolinemazivisa on August 6th, 2007 1:44 am

    I need good ideas on how I should please my man in bed so that he cannot go for other women. I need this 13 ways a wife can please her husband so when we touch it makes him wild.

  5. Michelle on February 1st, 2008 5:56 am

    Okay I love to take care of my man but this woman seems to think that we should be there ‘effing servent. Geez can’t you pour your own orange juice?! lmao

  6. Sharon on February 13th, 2008 10:44 pm

    There are some weird articles on this website. I agree with Shauna and Charles, though.

    It certainly is priceless! LOL!!!

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

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