Afraid to Commit: Smart Young Men Want to Wait on Marriage

November 23, 2006

afraid-to-commit.jpgSo the smart men of the world want kids, houses and lots of nookie. And they want women also; but not with marriage. Not until they’ve aged a bit.

So says the latest study to probe the minds of America’s smart young men, aged 25 to 33. The study found 10 reasons why men won’t commit. Reasons ranging from the ease of finding s*x partners to the desire to avoid financial risks of divorce.

The authors of the study, called The State of Our Unions, said they were puzzled by their findings, based on face-to-face group interviews with 60 heterosexual men in Chicago, Washington, D.C. New Jersey, and Houston. The majority of these men are employed full-time with reported annual incomes between $20,000 and $36,000. Most have had some college or hold a BA. None of the men were married; three had kids.

The study also reached some additional conclusions. Among them:

  • The men were highly critical of divorce. But they feel that couples should break up if they fall out of love, even if kids are involved.
  • The men were not optimistic about the future of marriage as a lifelong commitment. They said people continue to change and grow and this makes it harder to stay married to one person for a lifetime.

Here’s the reaction the article received from men nationwide.

“You should have an article on why divorced men will not marry again. The responses would be very interesting. For example:

  • They’ve already been taken to the cleaners at least once by a prior wife.
  • If a woman has kids, she really has no use for a man. She’s got the house, the BMW, the kids, and his support and alimony.
  • The women of today have taken the place of the man from yesteryear. They are today what they thought men were 40 years ago.
  • They run the risk of meeting a female divorce attorney.

“It is no surprise that young men are unwilling to commit to marriage when their partners are willing to live with them and provide s****l and domestic services. The old and crude adage is still true: ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’”

“I’m tired of the b.s. that it takes to even try to find a decent woman. In 95% …[emember_protected]of my prior relationships, I gave 120% to trying to forge a marriage. But that was only good for some half-hearted affection that soon disappears after the ring is brought forth. Then it’s all about what she needs, or worse yet — what her kids need. I’m tired of trying to weed through the predatory women. It costs too much to the kind man’s heart. So I quit.”

“Most of the guys I know have watched their friends get married and see all the problems, arguments, and b.s. that married men go through. And then they see the divorce, alimony, and child support. Case in point is my own situation. I’ll never marry again.”

“You forgot this reason: Getting raked over the coals for child support should divorce occur. The current system does not judge each circumstance on a case-by-case basis, and men usually end up having their financial lives destroyed. In my opinion, men should refuse to marry until the insanity of the legal system is removed.”

“The article on single men slow to commit was straight on. My reasons are the same as the men you interviewed: I still believe my destined girl is out there; I do not want to deal with another man’s children; and I am afraid of the financial impact of divorce.”

American women have strong feelings on the issue as well. Here’s what they had to say.

“Am I the only woman for whom a husband is not a badge of honor? I have noticed the looks on faces of my more traditional friends when I say that I do not have to be married. I have been married, and it was not what they talk about in Hallmark cards. Fortunately, my current beau is a gorgeous and fun divorcee who is also marriage-shy. This may be the most in sync I have ever been with a man!”

“I have lived with my boyfriend for eight years. We share everything, but he will not take that last step and get married. If something was to happen to him today, I would be out in the cold. I have helped him establish a home, fixed it up, and take care of it, but my name is nowhere on anything.”[/emember_protected]


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9 Responses to “Afraid to Commit: Smart Young Men Want to Wait on Marriage”

  1. Khankrumthebulgar on December 2nd, 2006 9:24 am

    Men have seen the Collateral Damage to Friends, their Fathers and Uncles. And the behavior of Women before and after Marriage. Those burned once, see Marriage in the US for what it has become. A One sided Adhesion Agreement. On the Woman’s side sits the State, and Federal Government. Men effectively lose all equity and power in a relationship after they say I Do. With lots of liabilities and minimal benefits Marriage is a high Risk, Low reward proposition.

    And Women are unwilling to change that. They want equality and Chivalry and the right to choose which on their Whims. Sorry Men are walking away from Relationships, Dating, Chivalry and Women in general. As they have become a Luxury Men can live without.

  2. mike.hunter on February 10th, 2007 11:44 am

    “I have lived with my boyfriend for eight years. We share everything, but he will not take that last step and get married. If something was to happen to him today, I would be out in the cold. I have helped him establish a home, fixed it up, and take care of it, but my name is nowhere on anything.”

    I thought that is what a will and/or life insurance is for.

    These guys are right, the financial and legal liabilities of marriage have become too significant and one sided to ignore. Besides marriage is suppose to be an essentially religious construct between to individuals and the god(s) of their choice. And the government has no business meddling with religion in the first place. The government should only be able to issue ‘civil unions’ that two individuals can enter into so that they may gain certain legal rights or responsibilities. Until the government butts out of marriage I see no reason to voluntarily accept the potentially catastrophic liabilities that come along with it.

  3. Lucky on February 18th, 2007 6:31 am

    the only reason the gov’t “butted” into marriage (1850′s USA) was to prevent black men from marrying white women.

    Another moronic gov’t intervention that with the aid of income tax and ever expanding gov’ts has led to the sh*thole were in.

  4. obbop on March 9th, 2007 7:06 pm

    Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to discuss the 10 reasons why men won’t commit.

    Well, no.

    Instead, let us be fruitful and multiply those reasons and bring forth an eleventh reason.

    Microwave ovens.


    Yes, microwave ovens and the food designed to be cooked within these glorious contraptions.

    One less reason for the need to have a pesky whiny bothersome American “princess” within the abode to diminish your quality of life.

    Males do not need a female to provide sustenance. The grocery stores are chock-full of a dazzling array of comestibles that merely require a few brief minutes in the microwave to provide a tasty nutritious meal.

    No need to suffer thine own feeble attempts at old-fashioned cooking. No need to pursue a female to perform the chore. Nay!!!! Freedom is ours!!! Forgo the innumerable headaches and agonies associated with a modern female constantly within hearing range!!!

    Freedom!!!! And yummy food.

    Blessed be the microwave oven and the efforts of the corporations that have provided those microwavable meals for surely they have eased the ability of the male to lead satisfied fulfilling lives without being subjected to the multitude of negatives that too many of today’s self-centered anti-male females convey.

    Hallelujah and hosannah.

  5. Unkown on March 25th, 2007 5:30 pm

    Another reason is, women today have become very S****y, you don’t know when you kiss her if she has just performed f******o on another guy. I refuse to be made a fool of. Women have also become lazier. Most of the time they won’t even cook for their men . Finally, today’s women are complete b*****s. They have an attitude that I will not put up with no matter how pretty she is. Don’t get me wrong, I”ll stay with my gir,l but there is no way we will ever get married! I will not give her the satisfaction of thinking she has me by the b***s. I want to know that I can leave whenever I want.

  6. frank on April 24th, 2007 11:44 am

    I mostly blame the feminist movement. I am sad to say, their plan is working! They want to destroy the bond between men and women through the use of laws, victimization, etc. These feminists want us men to be what they want women to think, that is, rapists, s*x addicts, bums, criminals, non commiting b******s, etc.

    Most of these feminists are single with cats, or lesbians, or divorcees. Go figure! So if we stay away from marriage, we may be helping their cause. But who cares, we men don’t have to play their game. I say, lets go marry foreign women.

    I shouldn’t have to tell you something you already knew! There’s more where they came from!

  7. saddened heart on June 7th, 2007 12:57 pm

    It’s the women who are lazy, who don’t cook for their husbands, and who are manipulative and conniving that makes us women like me look bad. They do make it worse for the rest of us honest, trustworthy, beautiful women who do believe in the blessed union of marriage for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.

    I’ve lived with my boyfriend for four years now and he is not willing to marry me because he shares the same views with the rest of you on here, unfortunately. We’ve tried breaking up twice before, but never actually went through with it and I really don’t know why. He has never actually had a more honest and true relationship with another woman from his past until I came along. I think he just wants to have his cake and eat it too, but it is not fair to me because I don’t feel blessed in our relationship.

    Cohabitation is not a good idea because it does make the man feel that he doesn’t have to try harder or at all if he can get what he wants because I’m so conveniently available for him. It pains my heart knowing that I am just a commodity with all the perks for him and that he truly doesn’t really value our relationship enough to commit to marriage.

    I’m a great catch, except the fact remains that our society has created too many extra roles for men and women which compromises the value or importance of marriage. Marriage is too inconvenient nowdays for most men sadly to say.

  8. Spliffy on August 10th, 2007 10:05 pm

    I am being pushed into marriage even though I have made it clear that I do not want to get married. Women will force you to get married saying things like “I love you.” Don’t fall for it. It’s a lie.

  9. leftyf on December 6th, 2007 8:04 pm

    Saddened Heart

    So, we are to assume that you are getting nothing out of this relationship?

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

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