Afraid to Commit: Smart Young Men Want to Wait on Marriage
November 23, 2006
So the smart men of the world want kids, houses and lots of nookie. And they want women also; but not with marriage. Not until they’ve aged a bit.
So says the latest study to probe the minds of America’s smart young men, aged 25 to 33. The study found 10 reasons why men won’t commit. Reasons ranging from the ease of finding s*x partners to the desire to avoid financial risks of divorce.
The authors of the study, called The State of Our Unions, said they were puzzled by their findings, based on face-to-face group interviews with 60 heterosexual men in Chicago, Washington, D.C. New Jersey, and Houston. The majority of these men are employed full-time with reported annual incomes between $20,000 and $36,000. Most have had some college or hold a BA. None of the men were married; three had kids.
The study also reached some additional conclusions. Among them:
- The men were highly critical of divorce. But they feel that couples should break up if they fall out of love, even if kids are involved.
- The men were not optimistic about the future of marriage as a lifelong commitment. They said people continue to change and grow and this makes it harder to stay married to one person for a lifetime.
Here’s the reaction the article received from men nationwide.
“You should have an article on why divorced men will not marry again. The responses would be very interesting. For example:
- They’ve already been taken to the cleaners at least once by a prior wife.
- If a woman has kids, she really has no use for a man. She’s got the house, the BMW, the kids, and his support and alimony.
- The women of today have taken the place of the man from yesteryear. They are today what they thought men were 40 years ago.
- They run the risk of meeting a female divorce attorney.
“It is no surprise that young men are unwilling to commit to marriage when their partners are willing to live with them and provide s****l and domestic services. The old and crude adage is still true: ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’”
“I’m tired of the b.s. that it takes to even try to find a decent woman. In 95% …[emember_protected]of my prior relationships, I gave 120% to trying to forge a marriage. But that was only good for some half-hearted affection that soon disappears after the ring is brought forth. Then it’s all about what she needs, or worse yet — what her kids need. I’m tired of trying to weed through the predatory women. It costs too much to the kind man’s heart. So I quit.”
“Most of the guys I know have watched their friends get married and see all the problems, arguments, and b.s. that married men go through. And then they see the divorce, alimony, and child support. Case in point is my own situation. I’ll never marry again.”
“You forgot this reason: Getting raked over the coals for child support should divorce occur. The current system does not judge each circumstance on a case-by-case basis, and men usually end up having their financial lives destroyed. In my opinion, men should refuse to marry until the insanity of the legal system is removed.”
“The article on single men slow to commit was straight on. My reasons are the same as the men you interviewed: I still believe my destined girl is out there; I do not want to deal with another man’s children; and I am afraid of the financial impact of divorce.”
American women have strong feelings on the issue as well. Here’s what they had to say.
“Am I the only woman for whom a husband is not a badge of honor? I have noticed the looks on faces of my more traditional friends when I say that I do not have to be married. I have been married, and it was not what they talk about in Hallmark cards. Fortunately, my current beau is a gorgeous and fun divorcee who is also marriage-shy. This may be the most in sync I have ever been with a man!”
“I have lived with my boyfriend for eight years. We share everything, but he will not take that last step and get married. If something was to happen to him today, I would be out in the cold. I have helped him establish a home, fixed it up, and take care of it, but my name is nowhere on anything.”[/emember_protected]