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Guy With Tiny Shmeckle Steals Wife!

October 25, 2006

divorce-relationships15.jpgI am constantly amazed by the wimpy married men who are not only miserable in their marriages, but also feel the need to reveal their sensitive side to the world. I found this pathetic doormat (who is also a therapist) posting his feelings to another therapist in an online forum.

Our newly found doormat has been married for over 20 years. He describes his marriage and family as idyllic. He says he and his wife have a healthy s*x life, and that they communicate. He is proud that he is affectionate and committed to his marriage and family. He notes his experience as a therapist is not helping his perspective on his troubles.

Here is his situation and he further notes that his wife agrees with his synopsis (Oh brother….). Our comments are in bold of course.

“I found out a month ago that my wife has been involved in an affair with another man for 3 1/2 years. She states it was over in the summer but she was caught by friends having a lunch with this man in the fall. This man is 40-50 lbs. overweight, loud, abrasive, opinionated and has a problem with alcohol. He is a high roller but is disliked by many people. I might add that he is not attractive even in the most charitable of lenses.”

Is this guy joking? I’ve seen major porkers bag chicks and laugh as they slip on a Jimmy-Hat. Gents, weight has nothing to do with it. And alcohol? Please. Can someone give me a “H-E-M-I-N-G-W-AY?!?!?” Put aside your opinions about drunks. They are fun. And they know how to close women. Moreover, women get drunk with drunken guys. I’m not advocating hitting the vodka. What I am saying is that drinking is not an impediment. Especially if she’s a “wife.”

“By contrast I am the same age as this man, I work out and stay in shape I am more on the attractive side than not and I play nice with everyone.”

Here’s where I gag. Nice is not attractive. Confidence is s**y. Being opinionated is s**y. Knowing what you want is s**y. Nice is boring. Stay in the nice zone and I’ll buy you a ticket to Pansyville.

“My wife states that it was her idea to initiate the affair, she found herself attracted to this man because a) her friends didn’t like him, b) he was gregarious and opinionated and very different from me.”

Can someone loan me an aluminum bat? The more her friends hate him, the more attractive he is. This is not a secret. I haven’t met this guy on the street, but I’d recommend the same thing. Frankly, if you’re in it to hit it, you don’t care about her friends, and neither does she. Last I hear being talkative and having a black-and-white outlook on things wasn’t a criminal act. Women love a guy who speaks in “I” or has know time for “sitting on the fence.” Opinions rule. Use them, regardless of how offensive.

“She has stated and I believe honestly that the s*x was sub-standard, apparently this man in combination with a large belly has a small p***s. She said he doesn’t know how to kiss and his hygiene although not poor leaves something to be desired.”

I smell Horse-Hockey. She’s doing the dude left and right. It’s not how well you make love to a woman. It’s how you make her feel. Women are b***s of emotion. Hit her switch and she’d do you if you had mothballs. Kissing? Man,…. props to this guy. Smother her in slobber. Let her show YOU how to kiss. She’ll dig it.

“They had s*x intermittently over this 3 1/2 year period (reported 15 occurrences) with months in between with no contact. I have asked my wife to tell me when and where they had s*x and when I compare it to my calendar find that many times her liaisons with this man come either immediately prior or on the heels of great times with me, e.g. marital vacation, family vacations, after a romantic date with me, etc.”

First, burn the calendar. It’s over. The analysis BS is suicide. She’s done it. She’s not going to repent. Force her, she’s going to lie. I’m not evil, but if she’s doing the nasty with the other guy right after the doormat takes her on vacation, fill in the blanks – the vacation stunk. You can wine and dine and take her to Fiji all you want but it’s still YOU and YOU are a doormat. For her, this type of vacation is like being stuck in traffic.

“My wife states that outside of initiating this affair, which for her was an intended ‘one time fling,’ she has never contacted him or initiated lunches or s*x. This chase sequence was this man would call her and she would say ‘yes.’”

Nuff said. The other man has her on his hook. He could call while dropping a loaf and ask her to wipe his behind and she’d show up fresh out of a shower.

“My wife reports she does not miss him, she never loved him and each time following s*x (his home, motel, car) she would come home and shower. Over this last year she began to drink more and was resentful to me when I pointed out her drinking was not healthy (approx. 20-30 drinks per week).”

I suspect, based on the drinking (and, again, why count, it’s over) this man’s wife was on the brink of leaving his wussy arse. Combined with location s*x, heck, the other man has her way in over her head and she’s lovin’ the adventure.

“What do I have on my hands? If this report is true my wife initiated and has stayed in an affair with a man that she says is unattractive, under equipped, self-centered, a man who she was attracted to but never “loved” and stayed in this affair despite telling him twice she was ending it.”

WAKE UP, loser. She’s lying. She loves his egotism. She loves the risk. She loves fondling his undersized shmeckle (remember, for women, you could be a Eunuch and they’d still do you). But most especially, she loves the fact that he’s not groveling.

“My wife states she loves me and wants our marriage to remain intact. All my experience and research points to affairs growing out of deficits in the marriage or individual.”

Smartest thing this doormat has said yet. She’s blowing it out her chute. She’s basically buying time until she files. Meantime, she’ll for sure be double-dipping and charging lingerie to this asshat’s AMEX.

“I am at a complete loss as I can’t make sense out of why my wife would initiate and be a part of such a destructive act where the only pay off appears to be the “secret.” She has in fact said that she believes she was in love with the affair but not the man.”

Exactly, MORON. It’s not just your wife. It’s all women. Drama. Excitement. Risk. This clown fails the test on all three. I’m surprised she hasn’t served him papers and changed the locks.

“Can this happen, and if it can, any ideas on the direction we should take in therapy? I love this woman and have no intention of leaving her but the pain is at times unbearable.”

I got some advice – Admit it’s over. Hunker down. Get strong. Hide assets. Fire the first volley – SERVE HER. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s reality. Engage in the inevitable. It’s going to get much worse.

“We just finished a marital session that did not go well. I asked my wife to use a calendar and go back to when the affair happened and put down to the best of her ability the times they were together. I did this not so much to review the gory details but to see the pattern of this relationship.”

O Come on! Heaping guilt on her is a waste. She’s done with your lily-white butt. Of course she lied. Duh! Now hire a lawyer, open an account in Belize, and quit deed the house to your mother.

“What I found was a pattern of her lying as to events. Many things didn’t make sense so I went to the man who she had the affair with and he filled in details she hadn’t.”

Visiting the guy?!?!? The ultimate humiliation. The dude is treating your wife like old soup. You want to walk through that mess? Not me. He’s now your best friend. Get a tape recorder and get the story into the record. If this guy’s talking, he’s a goldmine when it’s time for custody and asset division.

“My wife has lied about frequency, location, her feelings toward him even though I told her I would forgive everything and work toward a reconciliation.”

Stupid. Pardon me as I hit the can to wretch. Reconciliation? No way in Hell. Therapy is for poets. It’s wartime. Has anyone seen Branson, Buffet, or Gates on a couch? I think not. This is business. Treat it as such. Cut losses and run, very fast.

“The affair appears to be over and he even stated they don’t see each other anymore. I’m not sure why the lies continue when I am willing to forgive.”

It’s not over. In fact I’ll take odds she’s sucking the pig’s toes right now as he strikes a match on her teeth for his stogie.

“My sense is she fell in love and can’t admit it even to her or she is a pathological liar. I’ve not known her to lie about other things but I think my wife has a mental health problem. She appears like she was addicted to this man as if he were a drug.”

I love this part. Yes, the other man is a “drug,” DUNCE. He’s everything you are not. And she’s not lying. She’s putting together a plan to sell your house from under you, you idiot.

Then the therapist writes him back: ” I agree that, in cases like this, your wife is seeking an affair to remedy deficiencies she experiences in her marriage. And your task is to imagine what these could be.”

Yawn. I gave up on therapists years ago. The human nature of women is so simple. Sure, you can spend days improving yourself. Just do it for the next “Mrs.” Because your soon-to-be-asset-rich-ex-wife has already 86′d you. I can’t be more blunt, but it’s OVER!!!! Save all the self-help for the 31-year-old hottie that’s been dying to unzip your trousers.

“If it is true that she finds he man deficient sexually and hygienically, then it may be a need to feel needed she is seeking; somehow, you are not giving her a sense of her place in your relationship and contributions to you.”

I’m going out on a limb. The shrink is right. But this isn’t advice I’d pay $125 an hour for. Verbal Garbage, I could get that from my bartender. The whole deal depends on if you admit to being a doormat and you will not take it any longer.

“But you also say that she likes the man because he is “gregarious and opinionated,” unlike you. Of course, you can’t change your personality. But maybe there is something in her description that can lead you to make changes where possible. I don’t know what these are – to be less opinionated? more revealing? more modest? Less controlling?”

Bah! This guy could spend the rest of his life changing and it wouldn’t make a dent. Guys, not to beat a dead horse, but women work like this – WHEN SHE’S OVER YOU SHE’S OVER YOU FOREVER!!! I can’t say this enough. Dump the shrink. Hit the gym. Buy the Mustang. Get some hip clothes. Put the word out that you’re a new man. And, if this guy’s for real, announce that you have a HUGE Shmeckle and it’s available to the highest bidder.

“Only you can determine what she might be seeking, and what you are able to change. Given that you accept that she has abandoned the affair, I think that seeking additional details will not get where you say you want to be – in a rejuvenated, more mutually accepting and acceptable relationship.”

Basically the loud mouth guy touched her romantic emotions of an affair. His disinterest led her to go off guard and do the beast with two backs. She appears like she was addicted to this man as if he were a drug.” Yuppers! Never underestimate the power of being the ALPHA MAN.

Doormats in the world, stay away from marriage counseling. Dumpyourwifenow.com is all you need. Until next time doormats, learn to be a man!

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Comments

One Response to “Guy With Tiny Shmeckle Steals Wife!”

  1. Parson on November 30th, 2006 8:24 pm

    A gem – hilarious! Psychotherapy is clearly the realm of nancyboys servicing the doormats of the world. Enjoy, sad therapist doormat, enjoy the prison of your own making.

Did you know there is someone right now in willing to cheat on their spouse to have fun with you?

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